HTDWT – Chapter 7


Chapter 7 – Nowhere to Be

Content Warning: mentions of self harm

The next day Xu Bai Chuan casually packed away some clothes and went on a trip just like he said he would.

Since there was a heavy feeling on his heart, Xu Bai Chuan found it difficult to follow the plan and enjoy loosening up. Hence, he couldn’t relaxedly go sightseeing to his heart’s content. Just the thought of facing Tang Jin again, pretending as if nothing had happened, and possibly seeing Tang Jin’s smile when he hears about his departure makes the beautiful scenery before his eyes fade away. 

So what does this prove? One must not fall in love! Falling in love prevents people from having fun!

If Xu Bai Chuan’s alma mater were to invite him to make a speech, he would definitely be dressed impeccably as he walks up to the platform. Firstly, he would say a couple “hello”s to test out the microphone. Afterward, assuming the tone of somebody who had personally experienced it, he would earnestly advise them, “Fellow students. Don’t casually extend a helping hand to others!”

Tang Jin had absolutely no idea how many suicide plans had been made by Xu Bai Chuan before he was saved by him. These involved slitting his wrist, overdosing on sleeping pills, jumping from a building, jumping into rivers and lakes…

Xu Bai Chuan was afraid of pain, so he tried to lower the level of pain he would experience.

He immediately ruled out the sleeping pills. In the first place, there would be no doctors that would prescribe a lethal dose of sleeping pills. It would be over a year before he would be able to accumulate the dosage pill by pill. Moreover, death by sleeping pills wasn’t how people imagine it to be as there was no steady death during one’s dreams. It was actually very agonizing. If you do die, just let it be. But if you don’t, your stomach would have to be pumped over and over again…pass.

Jumping into rivers and lakes or hanging oneself are very suffocating ways to die. Killing himself was for the sake of being free, not for being subjected to punishment. Don’t even think about these methods. It was an immediate pass.  

He had slit his wrists before, but cutting the artery actually turned out to be quite difficult. After trying a couple of times, he grimaced in pain. It could only be a pass. 

From the moment he was locked in the basement and had to endure the intensifying torment of hunger and thirst, Xu Bai Chuan gradually returned from his low spirits. He realized his impulse to live. Anyway, fearing pain was only a pretext for the desire to keep living.

Initially, he placed all hope on his parents. Later on, when he recalled this hope, he felt that he was indeed laughable. Quickly abandoning any fantasies, he came to the realisation that only he could save himself. Treating the small metal blade as a brother alongside him in war, he relied on the spirit of the Count of Monte Cristo 1 and patiently tried to escape. As time went on, his hands began to tremble more while despair steadily crept in. Since fear ran amok within him, his body was stretched taut to its limits. It was like just a shudder could snap his clavicle.
[T/N: 1 A classic written by Alexandre Dumas detailing the adventure of an innocent man who is wrongfully imprisoned, escapes from jail and sets about exacting revenge on those who betrayed him.]

Tang Jin appeared like a God descending from the heavens and took him home, taking care of him and providing three meals a day… Although Tang Jin was placing the responsibility to complete the group assignment on him at the time, Xu Bai Chuan wasn’t a person who bothered for underlying motivations. As long as he received something from a person, he doesn’t care whether the person just threw it away in passing.   

Xu Bai Chuan had always overlooked one thing. Tang Jin had never cared for the number of things he threw away or cherished Xu Bai Chuan’s wordless actions of repayment.

An ice-cold feeling on his leg made him suddenly become alert to his surroundings again. He saw a rather young mother dragging a young girl around 4-5 years old. The young girl was holding onto an empty ice-cream cone, her mouth was sunken and it looked like she was about to cry. Those grape-like eyes were quickly filled with tears.

As for the young mother, she promptly took out a napkin from her handbag and wanted to crouch down and wipe Xu Bai Chuan’s leg. However, she also felt it was somewhat rude, so she awkwardly said, “I’m sorry. I was walking…”

Looking down at the sticky pink puddle on the ground that had already turned into liquid under the scorching sun, Xu Bai Chuan responded by taking the napkin. Rather than wiping off the melted substance on his leg, he crouched down and quickly folded the napkin into a flappy small fox before handing it to the girl. He coaxed, “This is for you.”

The girl raised her head to look at her mother and after a nod of approval, she sniffed and accepted the small fox. Gazing at Xu Bai Chuan, her soft voice sounded, “Thank you.”

At that moment, Xu Bai Chuan really felt that his heart was full of sweetness.

Everyone believed that he was a malicious supporting role. Who would have imagined that he had such tenderness, yet nobody to express it to?

The young mother noticed that Xu Bai Chuan had a load on his mind and apologized profusely. She handed him another napkin and waited until he wiped his calf clean before being satisfied.

Thanks to this happy episode, Xu Bai Chuan was able to press down the muddled feelings in his heart and finally see the color around him. He devised a plan to simply visit all the small towns surrounding Jiangnan. When he returned to H city, the deadline of one month arrived in the blink of an eye. 

Getting off the train, he first went to the crafting workshop to retrieve the painted artwork and found a courier service to deliver the item to Tang Jin’s house. Then he returned to his apartment.

However, the 70 square meter apartment which was unoccupied for two weeks was desolate. Xu Bai Chuan paused for a moment at the doorway before throwing his bag on the sofa. He joyfully hummed a tune as he entered the bedroom, lifted the bedsheets that haven’t been used in a long time to the balcony to air out, and threw away the spoiled food in the refrigerator. Afterward, he ordered a bunch of ingredients from an app.

Xu Bai Chuan intentionally ordered a lot of hot peppers. He was keen on spicy foods but Tang Jin was the legendary white tofu. Just a mouthful of spicy food makes him drink several cups of water. Not only does he sweat incessantly, but he also cannot stop hissing. In order to cater to Tang Jin’s taste while living with him, he never put hot peppers in his cooked meals. Although he adapted to Tang Jin’s needs for seven years, his preferences in food didn’t have any substantial change. What he likes to eat was still the same and what he dislikes was still the same. This was just like Tang Jin’s attitude towards him and Song Yi Yu.

Shortly after he placed his order, the take out arrived. Just when he carried the food to the kitchen, he received a phone call from Tang Jin.  

At the moment he saw those two characters on the screen, Xu Bai Chuan was in a frenzy. It felt like a flame was ignited at the pit of his stomach and feebleness spread within. When he first appeared on stage, it was truly a turbulent entrance as it became the talk of the town. However, his exit was just like “gently waving his sleeve and not taking away a single cloud2. He believes this was the best way to exit. Yet, if Tang Jin wants to witness a different curtain call, he would accompany him to the very end as a way of psychological compensation.
[T/N: 2 Line from Xu Zhi Mo’s poem ‘On Leaving Cambridge’. According to one interpretation of the poem, the cloud represents a rainbow-like dream.]

Xu Bai Chuan’s finger swiped right to connect the call. In order to limit Tang Jin’s nonsensical talk, he immediately asked in his usual manner, “What’s the matter?”

Tang Jin’s low voice sounded from the phone. “Have you had your fun?”

His tone was rather odd. It sounded displeased, but there was a somewhat smiling expression… Xu Bai Chuan quickly expelled this frightful thought from his mind. When did Tang Jin ever call him without being perfunctory and impatient? How could he possibly be smiling?

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Like my translations? Some caffeine to keep me going please. Thank you! ☆


6 thoughts on “HTDWT – Chapter 7

  1. nicque nadine

    oh my dear tangjin, you are in for a surprise alright. pretty sure he was thinking that bai chuan is throwing one of his tantrum because of the pic of tangjin and that song kid. he is certain that bai chuan would never leave him, could never leave him, will never leave him. hence why he is still quite smug about it.
    the thing about someone who is stubborn and determine, yes he is the type that would never let go and will keep holding on. but when he decided it’s time and he gave up, then it will be good isnt it? hopefully bai chuan is like that too ^__^

    thanks for all the work and the chapter and also an early happy new year greeting since the next update would be next year isnt it?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I really like Bai Chuan’s character. Determined and steadfast. He appears strong on the outside but is crumbling inside and Tang Jin can’t see that.
      Btw thank you for your insights. I always enjoy reading them. Happy New Year to you too!

      Liked by 2 people

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