HTDWT – Chapter 30

Chapter 30 – No Longer Young

Although seven years seems brief in a book, Xu Bai Chuan actually endured it day by day.

There needs to mutual exchange when two people are in a relationship. Staying beside Tang Jin for seven years, it wasn’t that he liked to ‘take care’ of Tang Jin, but that he liked to take care of ‘Tang Jin’. All the concessions he made and adapting he did was only because of this person named Tang Jin. Despite the dull feeling of fear, Xu Bai Chuan still hoped to receive a response. He wished for Tang Jin to like him.

In the past, he had made countless speculations in his heart, that as long as Tang Jin expresses his like for him, he can continue to press on. Just like a cactus, a little bit of water was able to preserve his abundant life. Yet at the most critical moment, he found that humans were nevertheless fickle. Sometimes after hesitating for a long time, it only requires a split second to make the actual decision.

Perhaps the warmth Tang Jin occasionally showed in the past really did stem from love. But these actions were too few and secretive so that he never discovered it. For a tenderness that couldn’t warm him for these lonely seven years, there was no need to mention how it’ll be in the future.

Tang Jin wanted to use this sudden declaration of like to continue pulling the reins on him, just like in the past when Xu Bai Chuan had to circle a millstone while pulling the runner stone day and night. That was impossible.

Xu Bai Chuan continued, “These three months of separation have been the most relaxing time of my life throughout the last seven years.”

“I don’t need to run around in circles for you.”

“Don’t need to suck up to your family and friends.”

“Don’t need to put on an act at all times.”

“It was too relaxing and full of happiness.”

“We couldn’t part—” As he said these words, it seemed like a heavy boulder lifted from his heart at last. Being extremely serene, he carried on, “I hope we can part on good terms.”

Even if he does regret it in the future…no, more like he will definitely regret it. When people are born, they stand before the starting point of the Tree of Life. Every time they face simple choices like “what shall I eat today” or “what shall I wear today”, numerous branches will extend outwards and those branches will grow their own branches. The possibilities of life increase exponentially after making choices over and over again. All we can witness in our lifetime is one of these many possibilities. Many people will miss the scenery while walking down their own road, and even if we reach the end of our road, what about that other one? What about those thousands upon thousands remaining?

A life with one direction itself is regrettable.

How can he not feel regret?

After reaching the end and looking back at one’s life, there are bound to be things popping up left and right that will make one regretful. Since we are destined to regret, why not just enjoy the present.

Back when he was young, he could depend on love to press forward.

But the years have gone by and he’s tired. He no longer wants to rush ahead.

The heavy shackles weighing on Xu Bai Chuan’s body unloaded from him every sentence he spoke and encircled Tang Jin instead. Once the last sentence sounded, Tang Jin quietly stood in place. He knew it was over.

The heating was turned on in the room, but the coldness pervaded, so much so that even clenched teeth would clatter. This relentless chill swarmed and killed both the haughtiness and arrogance in the air, leaving only emptiness. Tang Jin had long since pacified and his husky voice said, “…You never…said anything.”

A short sentence was divided into two parts. Tang Jin’s voice was extremely unsteady as if he had to swallow back his muteness halfway.

Finding those words difficult to bear, Xu Bai Chuan thought: ‘Why’d you have to make things difficult for me now?’

“I was wrong. I…”

There was truly no need to continue speaking. Xu Bai Chuan said, “Do I leave with my jacket or go without it?”

Tang Jin didn’t answer.

When Xu Bai Chuan reached for his jacket, Tang Jin didn’t block him.

After simultaneously walking and putting on his jacket, he arrived in front of the door. The moment that his hand gripped onto the doorknob, Tang Jin’s voice sounded from behind him. In a nearing pleading tone, he said, “The things you just said…I can change them all.”

Xu Bai Chuan paused. Without turning back, he said, “No need. You’re fine the way you are, it’s just that I’m not right for you.”

Change? How? For how long? To what extent?

Even if Tang Jin changes, can he force his family and friends to change?

The truth was that Xu Bai Chuan hadn’t changed throughout these many years. There were too many places he had yet to visit and too many things he had yet to experience. Even though he detested himself, he still wanted to live. He cannot prevent feelings of regret, but he can replace his happiness. He’ll place his remaining years on a blank check. There will never be a second chance of this happening again.

The door of the hotel room opened then closed, creating a distinct boundary that separated two people. Initially wanting to turn his head to take one look, he gradually walked further and further away without any destination in mind. He thought: ‘There was nothing pretty about it. He and Tang Jin, it was simply better to have never met.’

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4 thoughts on “HTDWT – Chapter 30

  1. Here are some comments I liked from Chinese readers. (RIP Tang Jin)
    A: Perhaps things won’t be so irreversible if you treated him better. How can love so demeaning and full of rejection? And you still blame him for not feeling your like?
    B: How can people born into wealth understand the feeling of inferiority?

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Ah, I agree with those readers. When you love someone, you show them you care. Not letting them take every punch and pain all by themselves.
    I agree with XBC. There’s nothing pretty about their relationship.

    But then again, the title must have something hidden in this story.
    I’ll be patient and wait for the rest of the journey.
    Thank you for the update ❤️

    And relax. As much as I love this story, your life is more important. Take your time and remember to take care of yourself. Please stay healthy.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. XYZ

    *Slowly stands up in an empty room*

    Clap……… Clap Clap……….. Clap Clap CLAP

    *Tear starts falling*

    This was my favourite chapter so far. It just made sense..

    I wish people could be this logical in real life (though not take 7 years of ‘what if’s for them to realise their worth..)

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Thank you for the mass release! 🥺 We sure enjoy 🐕 blood around here. I truly wonder how we’ll arrive at a happy ending that involves the two of them getting back together again. The hurdle is high and this story seems relatively short.

    Liked by 3 people

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