HOW TO DEAL WITH A TSUNDERE GONG
Chapter 3 – Blind

The journey took two hours, his hometown not being the final stop. Since he didn’t have a home to return to anyways, it didn’t matter where he ended up. 

Humans don’t just emerge from a crack in the stone. Who in the world doesn’t have a biological father and mother? However, having a father and mother doesn’t necessarily mean you have a home. From childhood until now, he was just like a grass on the wall which was easily swayed by the wind. But in all honesty, he had never wanted to be that way. It was the violent hurricanes blowing from both sides that wanted to uproot him and blow him to a different home.

Whenever somebody asked him where he came from, he would feign his current situation and say, “Home? What home? There’s no place where I don’t feel at home.”

When he answered in this manner, most people thought he was talking nonsense and he would also quickly skip over the matter. Over time he had become accustomed to making these kinds of jokes.

Xu Bai Chuan believes his skin is not naturally thick, it’s just that many calluses appeared after having his face struck time and time again. There is nowhere for him to release his inner feelings of unfairness, so he could only hold onto it firmly despite the pain. 

He wasn’t originally like this.

The first time someone asked him this question was when he first attended Tang Jin’s birthday party which was held in a private room of a restaurant. He was feeling frustration in his heart whilst feigning ignorance. Afterwards he made an excuse to go to the restroom and found an air vent to lean on. He was listening to music while scolding himself in his heart: ‘Fine. Fine. Fine. You’re bitter, you’re the most bitter in the world. Your father doesn’t love your mother and doesn’t show you any signs of appreciation, alright? Affected fool! Which house doesn’t have hurtful matters? Who is obligated to listen to your sobfest? Huh? Are you playing a wretched and miserable main lead? You act as if the world revolves around you!’

His shoulders were trembling along with the music. Suddenly a person appeared. Tang Jin irritably clicked his tongue and leaned next to him. “What’s there to cry about?”

Well, he still remembered the pitch and tone of the ‘thump’ in his heart at that time. While he leaned his head against Tang Jin’s shoulder to avoid the person from finding out that he wasn’t crying at all, he was thinking in his heart: ‘This person truly does have me in his heart.’ From that day onwards, he began making a vain attempt to push aside the existence of Song Yi Yu and invited the humiliation of others.

Now that he thinks about it, any regular person that knew of his circumstances at home would more or less feel some sort of pity. The funny thing is that he had mistaken these expressions of pity from Tang Jin as love, and clearly became a clown over the years. 

He’s not afraid of his eyes becoming blind, the actual frightening thing is when one’s heart becomes blind. You’re originally not blind, but how frightening it is to insist on pretending to be blind!

Fine, Xu Bai Chuan mocked himself: ‘From today onwards, I will restore my sight.’

The destination of the trip was a southern city. He had been here on a business trip with Tang Jin before and had attempted to convince him to go on a stroll with him several times. But the him who was here had always placed Tang Jin’s wishes first. When Tang Jin frowned, Xu Bai Chuan quickly shut up before his anger would flare.

Since he wanted to leave, then he had to completely leave by not remaining in the previous city. The situation resembled a child who had a disagreement with their parents and used their own departure as blackmail to get a compromise. 

However that didn’t entirely match his current situation. Firstly, Tang Jin would not attempt to find him. On the contrary he’d be beating a gong, playing drums and setting off firecrackers. Afterward he would warmly welcome the arrival of Song Yi Yu. Secondly, he hoped that the decision he made to stake everything for the first time in his life wouldn’t be for the low reason of playing cat and mouse.

He opened a file on his laptop. This was a novel that had been running for seven years with him and Tang Jin as the protagonists. It was about the sweet cohabitation he had expected between them. He decided to end the story today. 

He seriously typed out the most perfect ending:

“He wanted to continue sharing snippets of their lives, but unfortunately he died.”

Afterward, he immediately closed the laptop since he’d no longer wanted to look at how shameless he had been throughout all these years. Otherwise he might just throw up. 

Xu Bai Chuan leaned against the seat as he took out the SIM card from his phone. The existence of this communicative device with Tang Jin had already became unnecessary once he had decided to leave. As the fingernail sized, plastic embedded metal card lay on the table, he felt as if the burden of half a tonne was unloaded off of him. He let out a breath as he looked out at the dense clouds through the window. 

A student travelling with his mother was seated in front of him. He appeared to be around 17-18 years old, carrying an air of an honest youth. As Xu Bai Chuan listened to the lively words of the boy, he momentarily felt that time had passed by so quickly. How he had delayed the time of Tang Jin and Song Yi Yu by many years!

One cannot act as a good person anymore. If it were not for Tang Jin giving him sunshine during his most painful times, he wouldn’t have become the bright person he is today.

Tang Jin and Song Yi Yu are a suitable match. Seven years ago, they had almost pierced the final layer of the paper window ¹, however they were about to be discovered by Tang Jin’s parents. In order to open up a path for his white moonlight ², Tang Jin immediately came out of the closet to his family and put on an entire act. Xu Bai Chuan volunteered to act as the lover that was to receive a tongue-lashing from Tang Jin’s parents.
[T/N: ¹ Two people like each other and know the other’s feelings but have yet to confess their love]
² ‘White moonlights’ refer to people that are out of one’s reach. Although they hold an existence in one’s heart, they are not by their side.]

Coming out of the closet went smoothly. Tang Jin was beaten until he was half dead, but as long as he had yet to die, the issue was minor. 

Tang Jin’s parents gave into their son and tried to find other ways around the situation, coming up with an idea that involved Xu Bai Chuan. In their eyes, Xu Bai Chuan’s family couldn’t compare to theirs so he could be easily controlled. Instead of infuriating Tang Jin and having him make a mess outside, they’d rather tie him up firmly on a stake. When they no longer needed to, they could pull up the stake at any time.

It was only natural that Xu Bai Chuan looked favourably at the situation.

Tang Jin innocently thought that they were partners with a mutual understanding. He never thought that his little partner would rebel against him and go back on his word. Now that he recalls that time, Xu Bai Chuan has no idea how he was able to say those shameless words at the time – afterward when Tang Jin wanted to break the act, he threatened Tang Jin that if he didn’t continue being lovers with him, he would give out the white moonlight who is oblivious to everything and put this little white flower in a dangerous storm.

Afterward, it was the first time that he had raised a hand against Tang Jin.

It was a draw where both sides suffered losses.

As Tang Jin lay on the ground, he fiercely asked, “This is how you fucking express your liking towards me?”

Xu Bai Chuan gasped for breath. “I could like you from a different aspect.”

Tang Jin asked discouragingly, “Which aspect?”

Xu Bai Chuan shamelessly answered, “A position on the bed.”

A single phrase can be used to describe Tang Jin’s expression in that moment: a garish display.

Not long after Tang Jin had come out of the closet, Song Yi Yu was sent overseas by his parents. Right up until they had separated, that paper window remained as firm as before. Tang Jin was downcase and dejected. While on the other hand he was enduring the disgust he felt when acting as lovers with Xu Bai Chuan in front of his parents.

They had been putting on this play for seven years. There were times when Xu Bai Chuan felt that Tang Jin felt some care towards him, but evil can never prevail over good. The return of Song Yi Yu, the little angel had made him completely open his eyes to reality.

Fine, this evil stepmother would get lost and allow Snow White and Prince Charming, Cinderella and the Prince, and all the other lovers who were broken apart by the villain to reunite.

The SIM card trampled on by Xu Bai Chuan was folded in two and his heart felt empty. He pressed a hand against his chest and felt that the unceasing beating of his heart.

Not dead yet, no big deal.

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