HTDWT – Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – Letting Go

If people were more thick-skinned, life would be much easier.

Forget about the situations of others throughout the past and those in the present. Let’s consider Xu Bai Chuan’s situation, he was seated across from his boyfriend on a sofa at this moment discussing their break up.

Normal people are called thick-skinned, but this person’s skin was as thick as a city wall. No matter if outsiders carrying guns and sticks charge the place to attack, his city would remain as secure, mighty and unmoving as before.

Xu Bai Chuan had already mastered this skill long ago and even discovered a higher skill – If Mount Tai were to collapse, his facial expression wouldn’t change, nor will his heartbeat change. His face wouldn’t even redden, and he would continue talking and laughing as if nothing happened.

This was how the situation came to be:

When Tang Jin exited the car, he saw that the living room of the villa was brightly lit from the front entrance. As the breeze of the early autumn night was blowing, his mind that was muddled from drinking a couple cups of wine became quite clear.

Xu Bai Chuan was on the sofa scrolling through his phone and saw a photo on his ‘friend’s’ Weibo. The place looked like a private room of a bar, the lighting was dark and there was a big cake on the table. Song Yi Yu closed his eyes and his hands were clasped together, looking like he must have been making a wish. Tang Jin was clinging closely onto him, with an outstretched hand reaching for the top of his head, head inclined towards him and the corner of his lips raised. The photo gave the impression of the two people being in a harmonious relationship.

Tang Jin’s group of friends are the same as Tang Jin, whenever they run into Xu Bai Chuan, there would be a deathly stillness, the loudest sound would be the tap of chopsticks on a dish. And Song Yi Yu…

Forget about competing against him, there was no chance to begin with. There is no need to disgrace oneself with these thoughts.

Xu Bai Chuan pressed his thumb down on the screen to give a like on this Weibo post.

Tang Jin stood outside in the night wind for a little while, when his phone started vibrating in his pocket.

He accepted the call. “What’s the matter?”

The person on the line was his friend –

“I just posted on Weibo and forgot to block Xu Bai Chuan. He saw the post, I reckon he’s going to confront you when you return home. I’m sorry brother.”

“What did you post?” Tang Jin asked.

“Just the group photo from today.”

Tang Jin recalled the events of today; first of all, let’s wonder whether Xu Bai Chuan would even dare to stir up trouble with him. He had only celebrated Song Yi Yu’s birthday, they didn’t kiss nor go to bed together, even if he did want to vent there was nothing to vent about.

“No big deal.” He ended the call and entered the room. Xu Bai Chuan turned his head towards the noise, and said, “You’ve returned.”

Tang Jin ignored statements like this which state the obvious. What nonsense. You’ve already seen me so of course you know I’ve returned.

He didn’t feel like replying and directly passed through the living room to go upstairs.

“Wait.” Xu Bai Chuan called out.

Tang Jin turned his head, asking in an impatient and annoyed tone, “Do you have something to say?”

Xu Bai Chuan nodded and said, “Let’s talk.”

Tang Jin’s foot was already on the flight of steps and he frowned when he heard these words. They shouldn’t have any matters to discuss. All of a sudden, he thought of the call with his friend. He clicked his tongue, leaned against the handrail of the staircase then pinched the space between his eyebrows. “Speak.”

When Xu Bai Chuan pointed at the sofa across from him, Tang Jin impatiently walked over and sat down. He urged, “I just came back from a friend’s birthday party where I drank a little there. If you have something to say, be quick. I’m tired.”

Although Xu Bai Chuan didn’t inform him beforehand, he did admit prior to when Tang Jin asked, so he ought to be satisfied.

Xu Bai Chuan asked, “Which friend?”

Tang Jin is most annoyed when facing people like this who already know the answer to a question or people who talk about obvious matters. He restrained his anger and answered, “Song Yi Yu.”

“Oh,” Xu Bai Chuan answered with a single word and then became silent.

Tang Jin continued sitting there for a while but when his patience was completely exhausted, he stood up to leave.

“Wait!” Xu Bai Chuan yelled.

“What on earth do you want to say?”

Xu Bai Chuan also stood up, looking as if he wasn’t aware of Tang Jin’s fed up attitude. He smiled and said, “Don’t be anxious. It’s just that the words that I want to say next are too shameful. Give me some time to prepare myself.”

Tang Jin sneered. “So even you have moments when you feel shame?” He retracted his foot that was turning to leave, and the anger emanating from his body diminished greatly. Sitting back on the sofa, he coughed and said, “What is there to be embarrassed about? You are normally not this sensitive.”

Tang Jin was completely correct. From the beginning, Xu Bai Chuan shamelessly remained at Tang Jin’s side. Regardless of how the person insulted him, even to the extent that it was futile when the person hit him, these words that were suddenly spoken felt quite embarrassing.  Not only does Tang Jin not believe him, he even found it difficult to persuade others about this matter.

Being coy or embarrassed to speak up would make the other person aware of how much you actually care. With an attitude like this when facing a blow, he’s afraid that a few words of comfort won’t be able to calm them down. Although Xu Bai Chuan has never placed himself in a situation like this, there are matters that are more important than one’s own perseverance. If you disregard these matters then it would never be resolved.

His hands laying flat on his knees slightly curled inwards. He smiled. “Actually, it’s nothing big. I just want to ask you a question.”

Tang Jin leaned against the back of the sofa, there were rarely times when they weren’t spouting malicious words at each other. He unenthusiastically responded, “Ask.”

Xu Bai Chuan took in a deep breath. “…between me and that friend, Song Yi Yu, who do you like more?”

“This is what you wanted to ask?” Tang Jin’s eyebrows that had just relaxed became furrowed again. So, Xu Bai Chuan was really going to stir up trouble? Didn’t I just explain what happened? What else does he want?

Xu Bai Chuan looked at Tang Jin’s changing expression and his heart dropped.

“Do you know what I hate the most?”

As expected.

Xu Bai Chuan’s heart was already full of disappointment, but his face still had a smile. He happily asked, “Pestering?”

What Tang Jin originally wanted to say next was already apparent, but when he saw the smile on Xu Bai Chuan’s face, he couldn’t bear to crack down on him. “Correct.”

The two people sat in silence for a while before Xu Bai Chuan took the lead to break the ice. He stood up and spoke with a gentle tone. “Okay, I understand. Go get some sleep, I’m also going to bed.”

The conversation was abruptly finished. Tang Jin hesitated for a moment, but when he realized that Xu Bai Chuan had already settled onto the sofa and was playing on his phone without the interest to continue speaking, he also no longer felt like accompanying him. So, he proceeded upstairs.

Hearing the sound of the door closing, Xu Bai Chuan closed the browser which was on a pornographic website, that he clicked on accidentally before in a panic. He leaned back on the sofa and blocked his eyes with the back of his hand.

This is the last straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Many days and nights in the past, he had been looking forward to this day whilst also fearing it at the same time. He had asked himself this countless times: ‘What exactly is my bottom line?’ There were many times that he thought it was definitely today. His heart told him to leave, to leave right now, but in the end he just couldn’t. He endured Tang Jin’s increasingly merciless humiliation and persuaded himself to be even more shameless and stay by his side.   

But he just continued liking Tang Jin. In the end, he is also a man with self-respect and shame. It’s fine to be impulsive for love at times. A person like him who can repeatedly be beaten, cursed and was shameless should still be worthy of respect. He reckons that Tang Jin must have rotten luck to have met somebody like him.

Xu Bai Chuan thought in his heart: ‘From the beginning to end, the instigator was him, so why should he feel sorry for himself?’

“I’m letting go of you, Tang Jin.”

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Like my translations? Some caffeine to keep me going please. Thank you! ☆


12 thoughts on “HTDWT – Chapter 1

      1. Oh, thank goodness.
        I’m not a native English speaker so I assume the synopsis is more towards comedy.
        I’m ready for the ride alright (hopefully).
        Thanks for replying 😊


    1. yuuish

      … I’m a native English speaker and also thought this was going to be some slap-stick comedy of pursuing a tsundere gong and that the gong will fall in cutesy love. I expected the gong getting teased repeatedly by a shou and acts in a cute tsundere way to proclaim his love when he finally falls in love…
      … Not this dog-blood heart-wrenching drama!!! QAQ


    2. Haruki Natsuyu

      I see you everywhere. I also saw you from i recently finished reading I Don’t Dare to Oppose the Protagonist Anymore 🤣🤣


      1. Ahahaha.. I used to read everything everywhere.
        Nowadays I’m just bored of reading, I spend most of my time watching YouTube.
        Please continue reading this story, you won’t regret it.


  1. beautifulroom2003

    Hello, may I translate this novel into Indonesian? I will ask my readers to continue to visit your site and provide support


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